I just finished reading a book that I left behind and forgot about called, Mindset: The New Psychology of Success by Carol S. Dweck, Ph.D.
The book goes into specifics about the two type of mindsets that you and I may possess. I’m going to talk specifically about relationships and I am wondering why I halted my reading and never got to the relationship chapter (which could’ve helped me communicate better in my past relationship). The good news is, I now have this tool and have read the whole book and understand it’s better to be in the growth mindset vs. trying to always fight for something. Fight for what? Who knows.
Below, you’ll see a visual about what the two mindsets are about.
When it comes to relationships, I’ll just mention the main topics about it and if you’re interested in learning more about it, I’ve provided a link above to purchase the book (it’s a short read).
- Relationships are Different – There’s no point to compare your relationship to others. Everyone is different. Talk to the person you’re dating and not to other people about it for comparison.
- Mindsets Falling in Love
- Mind Reading– OHHH how I wish that people could read my mind. I mean, IG can totally read my mind before I even think about something because of all those ads that I get, right? Those reels about things that I like to see… so why can’t HE? That’s just being unreasonable. Let’s just keep it at that .
- Agreeing on Everything -This is something that I found to be easier because who wants to ruffle feathers? Well, the problem is, if you agree on everything, then you’re not really showing your true self and then being agreeable and not standing up for yourself, that’s just becoming somewhat of a doormat. This won’t resolve anything except sweeping stuff under the rug.
- Each One a Loser
- The Partner as Enemy
- Competition: Who’s the Greatest? Have you ever tried to compete with the person you’re dating? Well, this doesn’t seem to be very productive because if you’re in a relationship, you should be supporting each other and being kind. There are two instances I remember from the last 4 years or so where I observed 2 things:
- A friend (maybe moreso an acquaintance of mine), always competes with whoever she is dating or thinking about dating. She was raised an athlete so her mindset is all about how if he doesn’t do this better than her in lifting weights or being active, then what is he good for? Well, she doesn’t listen and she seems to just want to compete so is she still single? Yes. There’s nothing wrong with being single, I’m just saying, competing with your partner is almost like you’re trying to create an enemy.
- Noodle Arms once told me that he was seeing a woman who was very competitive. She wanted to point out that she was better than him at her career and he told me that he found her to be very physically attractive, however, he just couldn’t get hard because of all the stuff she was talking about how she was better than him. Well, I guess his eggplant’s feelings got hurt. Too bad!
Wait, this is getting a bit long. I’m going to just pick and choose what I have some comments on because this is getting pretty in-depth and I’m here to just provide some feedback. This is way too much analysis, I think.
I left some things above blank because I don’t really remember what the chapter specifically says. I’m just pointing out that it is an interesting read.
The takeaway: What is your ideal love relationship? With the growth mindset, instead of playing the blame game (fixed mindset), be open to listening to your lover and see what he/she is thinking. The more you communicate, the more you understand and build a stronger connection.
If he/she isn’t wanting to, then there may be other issues and it may not be a match. Heck, I didn’t grow up discussing anything and I was never forced to talk about things either. I personally freak out when someone asks me how I am doing / how I am feeling? So think about it. Enjoy!
Dating Emojis 